Give to Myself First

Continuing my convalescing journey with Covid, I’m amazed at how little I’m able to do and accomplish in a day. I rarely leave my bed still, even after three months. For a person who took much pleasure in giving to others, it’s ironic that I’m now literally stripped of the ability to do so. When I’m not crying and completely dejected about the situation I am faced with, it’s almost laughable and ironic that I’m now confronted to have to finally give to myself instead.

It seems I’ve entered a concussion like phase of post Covid. Everything must be monitored. Each movement must be slowed, speaking quieted and decelerated. Tasks spread out and planned. No longer do I have the ability to express myself freely without care. My brain so fragile that even to write these words is straining and tiring. The delicacy of the state of affairs within my system calls to me to pure Silence.

And within this Stillness a true and deep Love for my body emerges.

I speak to my brain and physicality like loving Mother to her child. Tough love will not work in this frail state. Only sweet compassion and kindness will heal me from this despairing place.

So now without question and with pure Calling, the love I once gave so freely to others, I now turn around and give to myself first.